Monday 25th of November is White Ribbon Day. White Ribbon Day is Australia’s campaign to stop domestic violence against women.
As a woman who has experienced domestic violence in my own family growing up and then into two relationships, it is not ok to emotionally or physically abuse a girl or woman.
It is not ok to beat the living daylights out of a girl or woman. It is not ok to punch or hit a girl or woman ‘only’ once. It is not ok to ‘sexually’ abuse a girl or woman in any way. It is not ok to ’emotionally’ abuse a girl or woman. It is not ok to ‘physically’ abuse.
When I was ten I was sexually abused by some friends. Although there was no penile penetration, what was done was enough to scar me for most and if I am honest, all of my life.
I have found when there has been sexual abuse, the ‘victim’ usually becomes one of two things, sexually active, or sexually stunted. I could have been sexually active – my body wanted me to be. Fortunately, I went to an all girls boarding school after the attack and was protected by the universe, or God.
It is not ok to rape a girl or woman, because you want to have a bit of fun, or get your ‘rocks’ off, so to speak.
Grand fathers, fathers, uncles, family friends, or any male for that matter, it is not ok to teach your boys to be sexual, physical and emotional abusers. You must teach them to have respect for women. To honour them and nurture them, even if the woman is pushing you towards some form of abuse towards them, it is still not ok.
My first partner seemed to take pleasure in calling me names. He would often tell me I was ugly because I looked like my mother. He would punch holes in the walls and doors if he didn’t get sex. My self esteem rapidly dimished to the size of a grain of sand. I became anorexic to try to please him. I tried to grow my hair, so I wasn’t called a ‘Pin head’. I would look into the mirror and try to find my father’s features, instead of my mother’s. When I couldn’t, I wondered if plastic surgery would wipe away his need to hate me so much because of my looks.
My hatred of myself was quickly matching his wounding words of hatred to me. How sad is this? Just because my first partner’s father was abusive to his wife, does not make it ok for him to treat me the same way.
My second partner abused my love for him by sharing his love around with many other women. He would play emotional games with me, screwing up my mind and heart.
Thankfully, I now have a beautiful husband who loves and respects me with all of his heart. We have experienced a really tough journey, so far, however, our respect for each other remains rock solid. He opens the car door for me still, after thirteen years together. When I gain weight, he says to eat more! He is Greek, and loves to feed those he loves. Although I am now fifty nine, and still feeling unattractive sexually and physically, he is allowing me to heal and grow from my experiences, hoping one day I will see my true beauty and find that beautiful flower of sexuality within myself once again.
If you are a boy, youth, or grown man, and you are reading this message from me, I implore you to stop for a moment after you have read my words, and ask yourself, do I have a right to abuse anyone, not only a girl or woman?
You may say, ‘Jen, is it ok for a woman to hit a man?’
No it is not! It is not ok for any type of abuse to be used on any human being or living thing!
Please learn respect for all, it is only then can peace reign and harmony fill broken hearts and souls.
If you have been or are in this situation, seek assistance. Become a survivor, instead of staying the victim. Go to the police, a hospital, ring Crime Stoppers, or see a doctor to report your injuries and seek counsel. You are not alone.
This comes with much love, from my heart to yours…Jen xxx